As I write this, Henry is asleep in the swing next to me and Jack is watching Sesame Street. I am in my pajamas drinking my coffee. It is pure bliss. But in a matter of two and a half weeks, our morning routine will involve getting ready and going to daycare and work. Just the thought of it brings me anxiety.
I am so lucky that I only have to work part time. From start to finish, the boys are not with me for a total of 4 hours a day. But the thought of leaving my three month old baby for that long makes my heart heavy. Jack is used to it and absolutely loves going to our daycare and playing with the other kids. He also loves our daycare lady. Henry has not gone yet.
I worry about my little guy. I worry that he won't get the attention that he needs. I worry he will get sick. I simply just worry. Being a mother, I decided, is full of worry.
I thought it would be easier going back to work this time, but it isn't. Being a working mom, no matter how many hours of work, is difficult. You feel as if you are missing out on watching your little one grow, but then on the other hand you miss that intellectual stimulation, and following a personal passion. Being a teacher is my true calling, but being a mom is too. Its about finding balance.
I am sure I will write more on this topic later as I return to work. For now, my mind is filled with anxiety. I am going to enjoy my last few weeks of maternity leave and pray for peace. I know my worry is often for nothing, its just about finding a new kind of normal.
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