Random Ramblings

Here I sit, on the eve of my last day of school. It has been an exciting week in my classroom. We have done some learning, had some fun, shared some memories and now its the night before our last day together; my last day of teaching until...?
I am surprised at how I feel tonight. I know that I have made the right decision, and I am so excited to be able to watch my little guys grow up. Yet, there is this feeling of sadness leaving the classroom. I have had so many opportunities this year. I know that God planned that out for me. Right now I am preparing to give a professional development day for fourth grade teachers in English Language Arts. I am excited and nervous. But I also feel sad. I feel sad that I am leaving behind something I am good at. I think it scares me a little. I am sacrificing my career for my family. It sounds so selfish. I think it is just scary. Selfishly, I know I am good at what I do. When I tell people I am resigning they get sad and say  what a loss it is to the district. It makes me question my decision to leave something I am so good at. I know deep down it is so right, but part of me is nervous. What if I can't get a job after? What if  I miss teaching too much? What if, what if, what if?
I remind myself that teaching will always be there for me. I remember the other what if's too. What if there is something beyond teaching? What if I was less stressed? What if I find a new passion? What if this is the best decision of my life?
I know that I don't have to worry. I know my decision is right, but it still is a sad one. I will miss my students. They are the best class I have ever had. I will miss the challenges. Yet, I am excited to make breakfast for my boys. I am excited to drive them to school. I am excited to support my husband. I am excited to keep my house clean! I am excited for playdates. I am excited to see what God has planned for me, when I let go and follow His plan.
This post is not polished, but its real and raw. I wanted to write down what I was feeling; a twist of emotions. I appreciate whoever reads this. :)